Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Here's Something Weird to Eat

Normally I would be a little uncomfortable chewing on colorful meat. But this isn't meat. This is a vegetable patty disguised as meat and chock full of red peppers, yellow corn, mushrooms, orange carrots and pieces of onions. Binding it together is a delicious compound of soy and who-knows-what-else to make it look like a genuine hamburger.

The same person who recommended fake burgers to me also recommended natural peanut butter—the kind where the oil separates and sits on top, so you have to stir it for virtually HOURS and eventually let out a deep breath and say, "My gosh, this doesn't have any taste! Can you pass the salt or something?" So I was understandably skeptical. But dear readers, you have got to try this! If food scientists are eligible for the Nobel Prize, I need a nomination form. Franklin Farms, you have yourself a winner in this vegetable burger.

I eat lunch alone most days (but not in a sad way), and a girl can do a lot of damage when left unattended in the noon hour. But no more!I downed my vegetable burger like I was Paris Hilton on a Hardee's commercial and realized, hey, not half bad, so I raced to the kitchen and fired up the George Foreman to make myself another patty of vegetarian goodness. And why not? At only 100 calories each, I could eat these all day long, and no one—not even my pants—would know the difference. Two burgers and 200 calories later, I'm full as a tick and feeling rather pleased with myself. And that's a far better feeling than the one I would have if I had eaten, say, two Whoppers.

And just as with a Whopper, you can have your Veggiburger your way—with or without bread, with or without cheese, with or without ketchup, with or without a friend. I ate mine naked (the burger, not me) and ate it alone. Didn't want to share.