Tuesday, March 04, 2008

What Should Hillary Do Today?

"A Day of Reckoning." Oh, but I do love a good caption! And that was the one that ran beneath the AP photo of Hillary as she schmoozed the good people of Houston before she jetted off to some exotic spot in Columbus, Ohio to plant herself in front of the TV to watch election returns tonight.

Reckon what she'll eat? Cheese-stuffed pizza? Reckon what she'll wear? Sleep pants and a Hillary in '08 t-shirt?

After a Barry Manilow concert a few years ago, my friend Kelly and I stayed in our seats while everyone departed for their minivans. We watched the roadies (yes, I assume Barry Manilow calls them "roadies") dismantle the stage and the clean-up crew sweep the cups and the paper that the rowdy Fanilows left behind. All we could do was imagine what it was like to be Barry Manilow right then, at that very moment.

"Where do you think he is right now?"
"Who is he talking to?"
"Will he stop for a cheeseburger?"
"Did he make another costume change before getting on the plane? The bus? The taxi?"

It seemed unfathomable that Barry Manilow was an actual person who wasn't always on stage and writing the songs that all the young girls sing. To imagine him being NORMAL when out of our spotlight was really, really weird.

Because today is so pivotal for Hillary, I've found myself thinking a lot about what she might be up to, or what she'll do while in Columbus tonight and tomorrow morning, especially if things don't go her way. According to about.com's entry about Columbus, the world is her oyster! She can kick up her sensible, medium-high heels and take advantage of some of the city's biggest bargains:

1. Ride COTA. If Hillary were a college student, she could do this free. But because she may be nearing the end of her presidential candidacy, her free rides may be numbered. The good news: A cool $1.50 will get her to all KINDS of places throughout the Columbus area on this public transit system.
2. Statehouse Tour. The nice people of Ohio will let Hillary do this on her own, or she can join in a group tour. I like to think she would go it alone. She's that kind of girl.
3. Columbus Museum of Art Free Sundays. The way this reads, I think it means no admission is charged on Sundays. Or, it could mean that Sundays are free of art. But the hyphen is missing, so it likely is inviting the public to tour the CMA free of charge. Maybe Hillary can stick around through the weekend.
4. Main Library. Hillary could probably stand to catch up on a little light reading. Here's a recommendation: I am currently reading Haven Kimmel's The Used World, which is not at all light, but very well-written and an escape from what might be bothering Hillary in her own world.
5. Metro Parks. She can jog, climb a tree, check out the vending machines. Whatever floats her boat.
6. Hit the Shopping Malls. "Columbus has lots of malls!" according to about.com.
7. Short North Gallery Hop. A monthly showcase of artistic shops in this neighborhood may help Hillary relieve some stress and perhaps land her a new piece for her New York home.
8. Hangout at Bookstores. Maybe grab a latte.
9. Stretch Your Legs on the Oval. My money says they're not talking about the Oval Office. And as I read along, I learn that the Oval is the heart of the OSU campus. Like a quad, I guess. Much has been said about Hillary's short legs over the years, so I'll not make matters worse here. Her dogs have got to be tired after all these campaign stumps. Wait. I said I wouldn't say anything about her legs.
10. View the Upper Arlington Mansions. Like a tour of homes. You ride the COTA and see the exteriors of the city's most historic homes.

If this is the end of the road for Hillary, God bless her. As someone who doesn't give a whit about this election, I can honestly say, "Well, that's a shame." And if it is the end of the road, she's probably thinking the same thing. In her sleep pants. Eating pizza. And ice cream. From the carton. Watching Super Nanny. Draped in a crocheted afghan. Wearing a banana clip in her bangs. Wondering where to hang that piece of art she bought in Columbus, Ohio. Rolling her eyes and telling Bill to "knock it off, why don't you?"


Coming soon: Why is Amy getting a tetanus shot? Why is she renting a Renaissance-looking gown? How Super was Tuesday? Read about these and more in Friday Round-Up. On Friday.