Wednesday, March 19, 2008

What To Do With All Those Eggs (Cooking With Amy)

I found these helpful tips on about.com under "Top 10 Ways to Use Up Hard-Boiled Eggs." After reading it, I have renamed it "Top 10 Ways to Make Sure Your Guests Get the Crap Out of Your House and Never Come Back."

I am not an egg eater, so perhaps I am not the best judge of what to do with the dozens of hard-boiled eggs after Easter. But I have to believe that the best thing you can do with a boatload of colorful Easter eggs is not to eat them in various and bizarre forms, but to display them in a basket, enjoy looking at them over Easter weekend, then toss them in the trash when the kids aren't looking. Sure, they've been cooked, but they've also sat in fake grass for a couple of days at an uncomfortable room temperature and have been handled by germy little hands. Mmm-mmmm good!

The Easter egg is a symbol of fertility and new life, but mishandled, it could represent rapid weight loss and bad memories. I do love about.com, but this may be where we part ways. "If you have old eggs to get rid of or leftover Easter eggs, consider breaking out of the box and trying something new," the site suggests. I am not a garbage disposal, and I would prefer that my Easter dinner not be spoiled by food that someone was just itching to get rid of.

But maybe YOU are an egg lover and could stand a little variety. So climb out of that egg carton you've been living in and think outside the basket.

1. Deviled eggs -- I'll let this one slide. I live in the South. Even if I don't eat deviled eggs, I have to live among people who do.
2. Chicken liver paté. Blchhhh! Fake foie gras may well be the only thing worse than real foie gras. (See photo.)
3. Egg salad with capers and olives -- The color combination alone is enough to make me wince.
4. Egg, nut and mushroom paté -- Enough with the paté. This is bordering on the offensive.
5. Hindoo (that's how they spelled it) eggs -- "The eggs are served in a curried white sauce and served over hot rice or toast points. May be eaten for breakfast or as an entrée," or used as wallpaper paste. What the heck's a "toast point"?
6. Scotch eggs -- "Hard-boiled eggs are wrapped in sausage, breaded and deep-fried. Served warm or at room temperature; great for breakfast or quartered as an appetizer." Also a great precursor to angioplasty.
7. Pickled eggs -- "They can be refrigerated up to two weeks, if they last that long." Does that mean they're so good that no one can resist them? Or, more likely, does it mean they'll sprout legs and scamper off?
8. Tarragon brie sauce with hard-boiled eggs -- Similar to Eggs Benedict, but with waffles instead of English muffins. Tarragon + brie = good; leave out the eggs = very good. This one has promise.
9. Beef and sausage roll -- A beef and sausage roll stuffed with hard-boiled eggs is always good for those trying to raise their cholesterol.
10. Cabbage mushroom pie -- "This delicious savory pie combines cabbage, onions, mushrooms and herbs with layers of cream cheese and hard-boiled eggs." Why'd they go and mess this up with eggs? And cabbage? They almost had me with "layers of cream cheese."


Find more tales of spring, food and lots of stuff that has nothing to do with either at humor-blogs.com.