Saturday, April 05, 2008

This Is What Procrastination Looks Like

I have run away from home to finish some projects that are due in the next couple of days and that NOBODY I live with is interested in seeing me finish. My nicely equipped home office has, in the past 24 hours, become a Barbie compound, so I left. Just like that. And I landed at one of my favorite bookstores, which just happens to serve coffee and food and is WAY too popular on a Saturday morning.
Oh, this is an ADD sufferer's NIGHTMARE! I am sitting under a speaker that is playing some pretty catchy jazz and am surrounded by some of the most interesting and talkative people in the Southeast. (Some are just talkative, others are just unattractive. Few are both. All are distracting.)

In only 20 minutes of observing, I have come up with several story ideas that I will pitch to magazines:
"100 Ways to Wear a Scarf"
"Just Because It's Saturday Doesn't Mean You Shouldn't Care"
"Velveeta Cheese Did What?"

Any takers?

OK. Pretend I am whispering the following to you on a cell phone ...

* Right now, I have a bird's eye view of a young lady's butt crack because her pants are cut too low and her shirt was clearly washed in hot water and dried on "high heat." (Uh-oh! Someone has been to the tanning bed!)

* Meanwhile, the older man and woman RIGHT NEXT TO ME are engaged in one of the most BORING conversations I have ever heard. (And I have heard a LOT of boring conversations in my time.) They are apparently cousins who don't see each other very often, recently returned from Miami and who delight in breaking down their ENTIRE family tree, which just happens to include (and you won't believe this) ... Elvis. The woman seems disinterested in the topic at hand and can't get a word in edgewise, and I think she is about to drink poison.

* Another man and woman are sitting at the table directly in front of me. The woman needs a hairbrush and is polishing off a beer that she is enjoying with her chicken and dumplings--a food-and-beverage combination I wouldn't have thought of, but kudos to her. And whoa! Her male companion just burped like a drunken sailor! What is this? Happy hour at the bookstore? And as I typed those words, the woman just turned around and looked at me, then laughed out loud. "I wondered what that clicking noise was! And it was YOU!" Yep, that was me, documenting your behavior.

OK, enough with the blogging. Back to work ...




I am certain you'll find lots of other ADD sufferers over at humor-blogs.com ...