Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Your Honor, I Consider It a Privilege

I haven't been this excited since ... well, I don't even KNOW when!

The mail lady dropped off a little piece of correspondence today that invites me to serve on a jury in circuit court. I don't know about you, but this calls for some shopping! What does a successful juror wear? Work-casual? Sunday best? Resort wear? Somebody, please, help me, because I just don't know.

Of ALL the taxpayers in my county, my local government chose ME. Why do people try to get out of this? What about serving your county is so gosh-darn awful that you don't want any part of it? I have one relative who cried, "IBS! IBS!" just to keep from serving. The court administrator wisely didn't ask any questions. The summons was rescinded.

Since the mail arrived, all I can think about is the type of case I will be hearing. White-collar? Criminal? Or something like the latest cheerleader attack in Lakeland, Fla.? I watched that story as it was told in great detail this morning on "The Today Show" (thanks again, Matt Lauer!), and I'm concerned that NBC might be targeting cheerleaders, specifically those in Florida. (This makes two in two weeks, in case you're counting.) With an armload of laundry, I stopped in front of the TV, and my mouth dropped.

The video showed a gang of cheerleaders attacking another girl, who spent a little too much time talking trash on MySpace. It was brutal and shameful. And almost just as shameful was the on-air interview with the mother of one of the attackers. She defended her daughter and came just short of saying the 16-year-old victim deserved what she got. Like, she deserved two black eyes and partial vision loss in one eye. She deserved to suffer hearing damage in one ear and to lose consciousness. She deserved a concussion. In a word, she deserved the humiliation. A footnote: The attack took place in this woman's HOME. OK, she wasn't there at the time, but still . . . all over some comments posted on MySpace.

But I digress. I am angered to action. I am going to send someone to the slammer, or save someone from being wrongfully convicted. I am going to be the voice of the people, while also standing up for those who can't speak for themselves. I am going to run for foreman and keep everyone in line and on task. I will run my jury like it's the set of "Twelve Angry Men." And I will do it all for mileage reimbursement and a sack lunch. And a new outfit.

God bless America!


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