Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Top 10 Quotes from Christmas Break

This is a cheapo post -- the kind that a person writes when short on time, ideas and energy. But it ties up the 2008 Christmas season in a tidy little package that says, "Happy New Year" and "Golly, How Long Is Christmas Break Anyway?"

With Happy New Year's wishes, I present The Top 10 Quotes from Christmas Break 2008.

10. "Oh, shut your mouths. A little Lionel Richie never hurt anyone." (Shouted during the first 50 miles of one of our road trips over the holidays; minor uproar ensued over the selection of radio stations.)
9. "Can I eat my spray cheese yet?" (Santa always leaves spray cheese in the stockings. Go. Santa.)
8. "Why are we decorating a gingerbread house on Dec. 29?"
"Because the kit was on clearance for $1 at Publix."
7. "Has anyone seen the toaster?"
6. "Gingko biloba would really help you with your memory." Ten minutes later in Wal-Mart ... "What was the name of that herb that's supposed to help my memory?"
5. "Oh, it won't hurt anyone. Week-old ham is perfectly fine if all you're doing is throwing it into a pot of beans."
4. "Where is that unopened tin of cookies? It was RIGHT HERE."
"Daddy hid it under your bed."
3. "I guess you should go ahead and call the police."
2. "I'm sorry we've wasted your time, dispatcher. We just found our car."

And the No. 1 best quote from Christmas Break 2008 ... made while viewing The Sound of Music and uttered during the scene where Julie Andrews skips across a stone bridge with the kids trailing behind, in their newly sewn clothes fashioned from an old set of drapes ...

1. "You know, most of this movie was filmed in Austria, but this particular scene was shot in the middle of Rock City, not too far from the swinging bridge. That's the reason you see so many gnome figures at Rock City -- it's a nod to the movie AND to the customs of that part of western Europe."

May your New Year's Eve and Day be filled with good memories (that you will remember), music of the easy listening variety, cookies in plain view, accessible appliances, affordable crafts and hobbies, and a stack of musicals on DVD.

Monday, December 29, 2008

This Is One Constipated Blog

Sure, Dec. 12 seems like just yesterday, if you've been in a COMA for more than two weeks. But I am back on this Monday afternoon (my first appearance since Dec. 12) with a little Monday Buffet, which is the result of administering a full-tilt laxative to this constipated and neglected blog. To all of you who care, I am so very sorry. To the rest of you, WELCOME!

Good-bye, 2008! Don't let the door hit you! ... This is New Year's week — an emotional valley after Christmas week and a social nightmare for people with kids who are So Bored They Might Just Die and Can We Please Invite Over Every Person We've Ever Met and Why Should I Have To Clean My Room?

While this might be an emotional valley for many people, I for one am thankful to see this year draw to a close and take its baggage with it. You might say I am experiencing a New Year's High (of the legal persuasion) and am more than ready to ring in a shiny, new year.

Other blog project, I haven't forgotten you ... My second blog project is still, sadly, in the works. Like this one, it has also been neglected and has suffered a severe case of constipation. ETA is now mid-January. Maybe the third week, depending on other deadlines.

And that's the Monday Buffet. More of a cocktail time, really. A short and sweet appearance, kept comfortably brief in order to avoid any embarrassing monologue or behavior. But if I DID write a monologue to recapture the sights and sounds of 2008, I would title it: "Oh, the Stories I Could Tell." And you would believe only about half of them, even though they would all be true. Because that's where the funniest and most unbelievable stories are: in reality. (People really should be more careful around me. These things are all going to come out one day.)

Happy New Year ...